Truth in fiction: Helpful or Hurtful to young readers?

After receiving an e-mail from a school librarian objecting to what she called "many problems" that make  Kyleah's Tree "inappropriate" for her students, I asked her to be more specific.

 She said, "Kyleahs tree has death, runaways, orphans,foster families, physical abuse, sexual abuse, alluding to BIA police as corrupt with drugs, adults using children to benefit their careers. Too many problems for the kids I work with."

Of course it isn't written for the younger elementary students; grades K-3, but for children old enough to read and enjoy it, I think they should be given the opportunity. The sexual abuse in this story was not the main theme, and was not explicit. I felt it carried an important message for kids to hear, but I  believe I handled it delicately. The implied lesson for young readers is that grown ups are not always right. I want children to know that if anyone tries to touch them inappropriately, or even talks about it, they, (the adults) are wrong. I want the kids to know that it is never their fault, and that it is okay to scream for help and to tell on the adult. I put this scene in my story, for, like it or not, it happens. 

Below is the reply I sent to the librarian. 

Thanks for informing me of the issues in Kyleah's Tree that you find objectionable. I'm sure you are not the only adult who feels that way. The book was written mainly for teens and preteens, but after giving it much thought, I still don't see where it is inappropriate for children as young as nine.  I don't think I'll make any major changes, for doing so would betray my convictions about "True Fiction," and my purpose for writing. Let me explain:  

Literature, in order to help children understand themselves and their peers must reflect life, not deny its pervasive problems and challenges. I always write about issues that today's real kids face in their everyday life. If particular readers don't experience the problem portrayed, they surely know someone—perhaps sitting next to them in school, riding their bus or living in their neighborhoods—who does.  

Do loved ones in a child's life die? Unfortunately, yes. Do kids run away? A study in 1999 revealed somewhere near 1.7 million child runaways, qualifying that number as conservative, as many runaways are not reported. A lot more think about it, dream and plan to but never act on the idea. Will reading about it, seeing the danger involved, and noting Kyleah's wish to have stayed home, satisfy the dream or urge to leave home, so that they will not feel the need to experience it for themselves? That is my hope. 

 Do orphans as well as kids taken from abusive homes end up in foster homes. Of course. Are all foster homes perfect? Some foster parents are well intentioned but over burdened and make mistakes as all human beings do. Others are far from ideal. Do children suffer physical, mental, and sexual abuse at the hands of adults? Do adults exploit children for their own pleasure or gain? Absolutely. Children suffer at the hands of adults every single day. And most of them keep it their secret, blaming themselves, feeling shame and helplessness, and think that they are alone in their situation. I dare say that if there are none of these children in your school, you live in a rare idyllic environment. 

Without finding someone to talk to or read about, abused and exploited children will continue to keep silent, cloaked in shame, protecting their perpetrators. Many child therapists will tell you that relating to a fictitious character can help them in many ways. You may find references to such benefits on the web. Here is an example:

"Through books, children learn to cope more constructively with complex emotions like fear and jealousy or stressful experiences like starting school or moving to a new neighborhood."

"By reading about other children and their lives, they take comfort in knowing they are not alone." 

"Books can form a vital springboard for parent-child discussion." http://family-friendly-fun.com/children/books/

Children who have read my books report that they have helped them in many ways, because the characters are, as they say, "just like me," and  "have the same problems I do." A girl who read Danny's Dragon wrote, "I knew Danny's feelings very well. He acted exactly like I did when I lost my father." A renowned reviewer said that Danny's Dragon should be in every school and library. It isn't of course. Too many teachers and librarians feel they must protect their students from reading about war and death even though thousands of children, like Danny, have lost a parent in war. 

My hope in writing my books is that young readers can realize that their feelings about the situation they are in and the problems they have are valid and to help them release dangerously pent-up emotion without shame; to be able to discuss their problems by being able to relate them to a fictional character; to see that drugs are dangerous and lead only to trouble, to see that sexual exploitation is wrong and not their fault; that it is okay to shun and report the perpetrator, and to protect themselves. In Kyleah's Tree especially, I sought to dispell the "beauty myth," that negatively impacts so many of today's children, even in elementary school; the belief that they must be "beautiful" in order to be loved and accepted. 

Many authors, in the interest of child victims, write beautiful, poignant, and therapeutic fictional accounts of problems that real kids must face. But too often those books are kept from the hands of children by well-meaning adults who believe it will hurt kids to read about the very issues that plague them. "An Inmate's Daughter," a book my company published, is a prime example. 2.5 million children live with the separation, stigma, loneliness, confusion, guilt, shame, and pain of having one or both parents in prison or jail. It is a book that should be in every classroom, and library. Is it?  No, only a small percentage of those who could best benefit from reading this book by compassionate and knowledgeable authors and veteran educator, Jan Walker, have had access to it. I fear that far too many of the books that deal with real life issues are being kept from the eyes and minds of children who need them by well-meaning adults who want to protect them from unpleasant themes, not realizing the kids and their peers are living those themes, and that reading about them could be a great comfort.

By the way, I am looking again at the episode involving the BIA. Your take on it is far from what I intended. I see the Indian policeman as a concerned and caring man with the intention of protecting his jurisdiction from drugs. I still don't see where you found the implication that he was "corrupt with drugs," but I will keep looking for it and make sure that the policeman's intentions are clearly honorable in future editions. 

Today's children are tomorrows adults. They hold the future of the world in their hands. If they are denied a view of the problems that confront their fellow human beings and do not develop a compassion for the downtrodden, the corruption and abuse that goes on today will only continue. 

Thanks for giving me the chance to see my work from your point of view. It has given me pause; a time to reflect on what I am doing and decide whether I want to change my course. I am grateful for criticism, which lends me principles to keep in mind in my future writing. Hearing your viewpoint, although, on the whole, I don't concur with it, will serve to sharpen my sensitivity as I continue to write true-to-life stories. 

Criticism and Self Esteem

Esteem-building in Children Produces Successful Adults

By Janet Muirhead Hill

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather by ruined by praise than to be saved by criticism. Norman Vincent Peale

Nice outfit, Good thinking, Well done, Beautiful picture! Delicious meal! All are nice words to hear. On the other hand: Your fly is open, You need to brush—your breath is overpowering, or I think you missed the mark with your composition. I found it ambiguous and repetitive, These are comments that are not as easy to hear, but have the potential of saving us.

Constructive criticism is more beneficial to the receiver than all of the platitudes in the world…if they are accepted without umbrage. If you tell me my clothing is undone, my breath stinks, or that my writing lacks focus, I can fix the problem so that I don’t embarrass myself, offend others, or fail in my creative goals. The compliments, on the other hand, do nothing to stimulate change. And change is necessary for personal growth.

Grown ups should be able to absorb criticism and apply it constructively or, if it doesn’t fit, discard it without rancor. Whether or not we can depends largely on our level of self-confidence. An adult who blames others for his or her mistakes and feelings, who takes offense at criticism, and who constantly seeks praise from others are exposing feelings of insecurity. How often do you say things like: How do you like my work? Am I doing okay? Did you like the gift I gave you? Did you see what I did? and Do you love me? Do you turn every subject into a discussion about you? Of course we all do it now and then; often it’s appropriate. Recognizing the extent to which we exhibit egocentric tendencies will help us pinpoint our own insecurities. Pay attention to how much you talk about yourself. Notice your feelings when you receive criticism. Do you verbally or mentally blame others for problems in your life? If so, you may have unresolved issues from childhood that gave you a low self-esteem.

The Child Development Institute declares, “Self-esteem is a major key to success in life.” Here are the differences it can make in a child’s life; differences that acontinue into adulthood..

According to the Child Development Institute’s website, a child with healthy self-esteem will:
• act independently
• assume responsibility
• take pride in his accomplishments
• tolerate frustration
• attempt new tasks and challenges
• handle positive and negative emotions
• offer assistance to others
On the other hand, a child with low self-esteem will:
• avoid trying new things
• feel unloved and unwanted
• blame others for his own shortcomings
• feel, or pretend to feel, emotionally indifferent
• be unable to tolerate a normal level of frustration
• put down his own talents and abilities
• be easily influenced

Parents, teachers, peers and society shape a child’s self-esteem. Of these, parents have the largest influence and the greatest opportunity to foster a healthy self-confidence in their children. As in my case, a child’s parents may be loving and well intentioned, and still foster a low-self esteem through ignorance about healthy child development. (Yes, exhibited symptoms of the second group (above) until years of therapy helped me gain enough self-esteem to manage my crippling inferiority complex.)

Praise is important in early childhood…and so is criticism as long as it does not take the form of shame or ridicule. It is important to target the behavior, not the child’s character in both praise and criticism. I like the way you cleaned your room. You did a great job of putting everything in its place, rather than, You are a good boy for cleaning your room, (implying he would be a bad boy if he hadn’t). I like your room much better when you put your clothes in the hamper instead of leaving them on the floor, rather than, Look at this mess! You drive me crazy when I see what a lazy slob you are.

NEVER label a child, and NEVER blame children (or anyone else) for your feelings. Teach them, instead, that every person is responsible for his or her own feelings, and that “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent,” as Eleanor Roosevelt said.

Children tend to fulfill a parent’s expectations of them. A mother who tells her son that he will never amount to anything because he is a lazy bum is furnishing a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because a child believes what a parent tells him, he will no doubt become a lazy bum. A child who believes, because his parents believe, that he will succeed in whatever avocation he chooses, surely will. A pre-med student I knew in college had no doubt that she would succeed in her chosen profession. Her parents let her know at an early age that she could become whatever she wanted to be. When she chose medicine, they gave her their full support with never the slightest doubt that she would become one of the best doctors in her chosen field. Another self-fulfilling prophecy that came true.

Within safe limits, allow children to experiment, problem solve, and to “do it myself.” That’s how they learn to trust and rely upon their intelligence and capabilities. Hugs, winks, cuddling, talking, sharing story time, listening to, and laughing with children help them to know they are loved and therefore loveable. Children who develop self-love and self-trust will grow up to be responsible, confident adults who accomplish great things. They will neither be devastated by criticism nor ruined by praise.

The Art of Criticism

I didn't intend to let so much time lapse before getting back to this blogpost. I took a road trip to Colorado to a reunion where I enjoyed visiting with siblings, nieces and nephews, and cousins, some of whom I hadn't seen since grade school. On the following Monday, I spoke to about 550 Namaqua elementary student in five sessions. I am grateful for the opportunity as interacting with children inspires me. It was my pleasure to accept an invitation to the home of the grandparents of three of the students for a lovely dinner. I feel very blessed that my writing serves as an avenue to make many new friends.

My last post was about how to receive criticsm. I will now take a look at the flip side—how to give it.

Beth Hodder, author of "The Ghost of Shafer Meadows," commented, "I think it may be difficult for some critics to face the author with their criticism if they're a friend or family member." A member of our local writers group expressed similar concerns and asked how one can be encouraging, constructive, and truthful all at the same time; honest without being hurtful. Understanding how sensitive a writer may be, we realize that criticism is an art.

William Zinsser, in his book, "On Writing Well," agrees. "To write about the arts from the inside—to appraise a new work, to evaluate a performance, to recognize what's good and what's bad—calls for a special set of skills and a special body of knowledge." Does the average writer have that? If not, how can we cultivate it to the extent that we can be helpful to other writers when they ask for our opinions? Since I don't have the answers, I read what Zinsser, Wallace Stegner, and John Gardner offer on the subject.

Zinsser gives these criteria for being a good critic.
1. "Critics should like—or better still, love—the medium they are reviewing."
2. When publishing reviews, don't give away too much of the plot.
3. Use specific detail, i.e. avoid generalities. This is equally important in critiquing a work we love as it is in discussing writing in which we see errors or fault.
4. "Avoid ecstatic adjectives."
Finally, remember that all forms of criticism consist of personal opinion. "What is crucial …is to express your opinion firmly. Don't cancel it's strength with last-minute evasions and escapes."

But this brings us back to the problem of ensuring that our words encourage rather than discourage. What if our impression of a work is negative? Do we want our opinion to dash the author's hopes, blocking him or her from writing at all? No, of course not. The only case I can think of where I would consider disparaging a written work is if I felt it had either the aim or potential to demoralize the reader. But that's a discussion for a future post.

I look to Wallace Stegner to solve the issue of giving constructive criticism. This may apply in places like writers clubs, schools, posts on public forums, online stores like Amazon, where customer reviews are encouraged, and in talking to fellow writers who ask us to evaluate their work. In his book, "On Teaching and Writing Fiction," Stegner answers questions of an interviewer. I think his treatment of the writing students in his classes is a good example for all writers, whether in school or not, as we are always seeking to learn more about our craft.

When asked what most needs to be done for his students, Stegner replied, "They need to be taken seriously. They need to be assured that their urge to write is legitimate." He reminds us that "these are hearts you are treading on." Yet he emphasizes the need to be honest. "Every student has a right to be listened to and be told honestly whether what he has written strikes no sparks, or few, or many. Before a teacher tells anyone he is good and has that magical promise, he had better make sure of what he is saying; before he discourages anyone, he had better remember how intimate a thing writing is and how raw the nerves that surround it."

So where has all this led us? It reinforces the quandary we sometimes face, the need to be both firmly honest and at the same time, very kind and supportive. Stegner says it's an attitude more than a technique. And, in spite of Zinsser's advice not to dilute our opinions with evasions and escapes, we must remember that others may have a different opinion and acknowledge that fact. Criticism, done properly, is not only an art, but a juggling act if we find anything offensive in the work we are judging. Stegner says that in his classroom, it is his job to manage the environment as students critique one another's writing, "which may be as hard a job as for God to manage the climate."

My grandma Elkins gave me these words of advice long ago that may be helpful here. "Before you speak, make your words pass through three gates of gold. Are they true? Are they needful? and Are they kind?"

Taking the Sting Out of Criticism’s Bite

(This is a repeat, fleshed out and edited, of some earlier blogposts on the subject. I thought it would bear repeating as some writers have expressed an interest in seeing it again.)

Writers, unless they hide their work in a closet, under the bed, or locked away in journals where it will never be read, will encounter both praise and criticism. When I was a young mother, I told stories to my kids as my mom and sister had told them to me years before. I loved stories of the family traditions and the escapades of ancestors. I wrote them down and submitted them to children’s magazines. I had the unusual fortune of having the first four or five pieces I ever wrote accepted and published. When the next piece was met with a rejection, even though the rejection was accompanied by encouraging words, I let it rock my world, topple my fragile ego, and block my muse. I didn’t write again for publication for a dozen years. Thankfully, I’ve managed to develop a thicker skin.

I don’t think I’m the only writer who has allowed criticism and rejection to stifle their creativity. Why do we do this? I think it’s because writers are a special breed—one with extraordinarily acute vision, talent, and passion—and tender ego. From the writer’s pen flows, not mere words, but an outpouring of the soul, not wholly unlike the travail—and the joy—of giving birth to a child. Inherent in that exposure of our innermost thoughts and insights is vulnerability and defensiveness of our verbal creations.

Blessed is the writer who can emerge undaunted from the paralyzing blow of sharp criticism. Naturally, our tender hearts bleed from the onslaught of arrows shot at our work—our babies. Our tender ego takes the full force of those arrows and is wounded by their sting. If we never toughened our egos, we’d never write another word. And that would be a tragedy, for criticism is not only inevitable, it is valuable, it is not only valuable, it is crucial.

In the years I have been writing, I have learned how useful criticism can be. I seek it as I'm writing. But in order to avoid letting a rejection or negative review bring creativity to a halt, as I've done in the past, I've learned that I must get beyond the defensive feelings and look closely at the criticism, measure it thoughtfully against my purpose, apply what is constructive, discard all that isn’t, and move on to write again.

Criticism has made my writing better. I give a lot of credit for the popularity of my stories to my editor, writers group members, and other critics. They see things I miss. That doesn't mean they are always right. I must keep in mind that no one knows the characters, plot, and purpose as well as I. It’s important to keep my purpose, as well as my audience in mind and gauge suggestions and criticisms against it.

Monica Wood says in her book, The Pocket Muse that “every writer needs two critics, one who gives only praise and another who never ever lies.” I have found that there are other categories of critics a writer must identify and deal with as well.

The love-everything reader is nice to have, and I agree that the encouragement of family and friends who love everything I write goes a long way toward keeping a positive attitude.

The gently discerning listener is, I believe to be the most helpful. In my writers group, I have the support of people who never lie, but they tell the truth in the most gentle and supportive way, qualifying with an “I may be wrong,” so that it hardly feels like criticism at all.

The viewpoint of the blunt but honest stranger, who points out the flaws in my work, may be harder to take, but has sometimes affected improvements in my writing. But don’t confuse them with the next one.

Unfortunately a writer stands a large chance of encountering the nasty and adversarial critic—one who, for reasons we may never know—seems bent on tearing the writer and her work apart, apparently taking personal umbrage.

There is also the clueless critic, who, though he may harbor no malice, just doesn’t get it, but because of their own experiences, beliefs, or biases, finds fault where there is none.

It’s up to the writer to sort it all out. Not quite as easily said as done, especially when our tender egos get in the way of objectivity. It’s hard not to take criticism of our work as an attack on our personhood. Because we pour our souls into our work, we have a hard time separating ourselves from our creations. I remind myself in the face of criticism to tell myself, repeatedly, if necessary, that the critic isn’t saying “You're a horrible person and a terrible writer;” to look instead at what they are saying. (If they are attacking your personhood, the critic along with the critique should be summarily dismissed.)

Then I step away and let it jell for a while. It is much easier to be objective when I come back later to study the critique. Then I review what I know of the characters, the plot, the purpose, and direction of my story and then examine the criticisms and suggestions of the reviewer or editor with an open mind—to see whether they are valid or not. I use what supports and enhances, and disregard what doesn’t fit. Many blunders, long boring passages, and inconsistencies have been pared from my work thanks to the honest and thoughtful critics who care about my writing.

I have come to appreciate and rely on “critics” as I write my stories. It is far better to write and be criticized, than not to write at all—or to write in a closet and never let your words see the light of day, for how can that help the world?