To scold or not to scold?

I once read in a Christian-published book on parenting that parents should NEVER scold their children or raise their voices in anger. I was surprised and confused by the admonition. I'd been scolded and whipped by my parents. My husband yelled at our kids, and I found myself doing the same—out of habit and frustration, perhaps, or because I believed it was what parents are supposed to do. 68 years of life have taught me why the advice from the parenting book is spot on. I've seen the results of scolding, effects that linger long into adulthood, if not throughout life. And I've seen effects of nurturing without scolding: well adapted children and young adults. Wow. The Golden Rule applies here, folks.

Every time a child is attacked with the sharp edge of an adult's rebuke, a piece of his or her self-esteem is whittled away. Soon the child has no self-confidence left. He doesn't trust himself or his elders and withdraws. He or she develops defensive strategies such as hiding, sneaking, stealing, and lying.

So what is the alternative to scolding? We can't just let them get away with bad behavior, can we? No, of course not, but take a look at what you are judging as "Bad." Make sure it is not the children. Kids will make mistakes, but that doesn't make them bad. It just means they're human—little human beings that are learning about life and about themselves as best they can with what they hear, see, and experience.

I like the advice that Kedric H. Cecil, Ph. D.* gives in his book, "Wisdom from the Streets." He says, and years of experience and observation back it up, "As parents we must use every opportunity to help our children feel good about themselves. In the middle of any interaction with them, we need to ask ourselves if our actions will enhance or detract from their self-esteem.

"The easiest way to accomplish that is to treat them the way we would like to be treated. Even though our parents may have done the best they could, if something did not feel right to us as children, it may not have been right, and we need to treat our children accordingly."

* Dr. Kedric H. Cecil specializes in working with at-risk children and their families, as well as those who have suffered physical and emotional abuse. He is adjunct professor in the Graduate Program in Counseling at Montana State University-Northern and is in private practice in Havre and Great Falls, Montana. See more about him and his book at www.wisdomfromthestreets.com

Reading and Writing for Kids

With summer vacation beginning for children across the country, kids and parents may be looking for activities to keep active young minds occupied. They'll want to enjoy plenty of outdoor sunshine, of course. For days when they must stay indoors, how about reading and writing, not only for something to do, but to keep them from losing reading ability.

According to an article in the Marshall News Herald, Formal research and common sense shows that summer reading retention is a key contributor to student success. Like any skill, reading is maintained and enhanced with practice. Students who don't read over the summer might see as much as two months of reading ability slip away. This reading loss is cumulative, and by the end of sixth grade, non-summer readers might be as much as two school years behind their "summer reading" peers. Reading as few as four books during the summer break helps children retain their reading levels.

Miranda's Book Club is one place that kids can go online to find reading and writing activities. This dynamic site explores ways to interest kids in reading and writing and provides rewards for doing so. Still under construction, more activities will be added daily.