Life's changes

There are times in life when we feel as if the world is a sunny garden, planted for our enjoyment, and we will flourish, no matter what. Our possibilities are endless. Then something shifts to rock our world, and we must adjust. How we do so depends on our inner resources to cope. We may process and move on or we may peacefully accept the circumstances we are given. 

Change is never easy, yet life without change is stagnant and unproductive. Perhaps it's when a major event nudges us from our comfort zone that we search our innermost selves and find what we need. Looking through my poetry, I found a few poems that, though written some time ago, strike a resonate chord when I feel I'm facing an hour of decision or when I hear of a major life-changing event in someone's life. 

(Iris, by Stan Hill, Photographer) 

I'll share three of them: "Time," "Life," and "Death," which could also be titled "Accepting Mortality." (Scroll down for all three.)

Be sure to join me on the 8th of July for a conversation with Janet Riehl, author of “Sightlines: A Family Love Story in Poetry and Music,” about how she coped with a traumatic life-changing experience.

Time

 

When all is said and all is done

and when the race is over,

Will we be happy that we’ve run?

Will we wish to do it over?

 

Time marches on without a care

about what we are doing.

It bothers not with when or where

or what trouble is ensuing.

 

We may be bored; we may be stressed.

We may be steeped in sorrow

But time keeps plodding as if pressed

to reach the next tomorrow.

 

If in the end we have regret

for the things we didn’t do

we’ll be reminded if we forget

that there’s no use to rue

 

the time that’s gone will not return

and useless are excuses.

For if nothing else we learn,

know time bears no abuses.

 

Every second, minute, hour

is the same to every man.

It is within each person’s power

to do with as she can.

Life

Life is too short to be little

Life is too dear to deny

Life is too precious to squander

By living an emotional lie.

Follow your heart, find your center

Leave conformity and pretense alone

Be only  yourself when you enter

Live a life that is truly your own.

Be not afraid of your feelings

It’s really okay to cry

Express the indignation inside you

Be honest with life ‘til you die. 

Don’t assume to make other’s decisions

Nor let others make choices for you.

Do what for you is important

And unto thine own self be true.

Death

A woman died today.

Suddenly

unexpectedly

without notice.

A man lost his wife today

Suddenly

unexpectedly

without notice.

Parents lost their only daughter today

Suddenly

unexpectedly

without notice.

It challenges my belief

About mind

Over matter

Willful control.

I thought the mind

Always leads

Body follows.

Not so.

It makes death sadder

that I know

it can happen

against one’s will. 

I’m sad for the woman

Who died

her husband

and parents

I feel my own mortality

For a moment

disappointed

betrayed.

My belief, though juvenile

and subconscious

was pervasive

my own. 

Of Death Do We Speak? Helping children cope with death of a loved one.

My paternal grandfather died when I was eight years old. I cried as I watched my parents and two older siblings drive away to attend the funeral.  I was not allowed to go to the funeral. I guess my parents felt I was too young and it would be too hard on me. Or maybe they were just so steeped in their own grief to think of my need for closure. I loved grandpa. I did not want to be left out of anything that involved him. And I knew I would never see him again.

Grandpa's death was never talked about in my presence. Maybe no one talked about it. I think in those days, people, at least in our family, hid their grief. If anyone cried, they did it privately. Death, like sex, was a subject children should never hear or speak of. So what did I do with my grief at age eight? I guess I stuffed it somewhere deep down and out of sight, adding death to the many mysterious evils that I was to fear, but not to question. 

I think—hope—it is generally different today. Children who experience the death of a peer,  a parent, or anyone close to them are often taken to a therapist for grief counseling. And therapists often use books or stories to help children better understand the feelings they are experiencing. When children read of a character with whom they relate and see that character experience the same feelings they suffer, they can better accept that they are not alone, and that their feelings and reactions are not wrong. 

Because death is natural, inevitable, and universal, it has found it's way into many of the children's novels I have written. It is my belief that children who have suffered or will suffer the death of a beloved person or pet will be better prepared for sorrow that threatens to overwhelm them by reading about a character who is going through the same grief. 

Janet Burroway, in her book, Writing Fiction, wrote, "Literature offers feelings for which we don't have to pay." Kids will find it easier to articulate their own feelings when they can relate them to those of a character in a book. 

Characters in my books who, each in his or her way, have each dealt with loss of a loved one through death are Danny in Danny's Dragon whose father is a casualty of the Iraq war, Kyleah in Kyleah's Tree whose mother died, and her father, and brother, with whom she is separated. Miranda, who lives with her grandparents in Miranda and Starlight, knows nothing of her father until she gets a letter from him and an explanation of the accident that resulted in his missing at sea and presumed death in Starlight's Courage. In Starlight Comes Home Miranda loses a mentor who is like a grandfather to her. Kids and adults alike like these books for the emotions, happy and sad, that they experience when reading them.

For other books, both fiction and non-fiction, written to help kids deal with death, I Googled "books to help children cope with death." One site that gives a nice list of books, most of which I confess I have not read, is:  http://www.leeanne.com/grief/

Although I still encounter parents, librarians, and teachers who would "protect" children from "sad" topics in books, I also find that kids like to have their emotions touched, and their favorite books are the ones in which the characters feel deeply about life's problems that they may also face.